I've been thinking to myself a lot has happened in a week (cues up week ago by jay z ) up's but no real down's i haven't felt this way in a long time , i never felt so much freedom it's almost weird like i'm in some sort of shocked state of mind. I finally accepted who i am and i'm mother fucking mak ain't nobody else it's just who i is and i love it , i wake up turn my swag , and have fun everyday , everyday is the weekend it's how i live it's a great way for now and i'm thinking to myself everything is good there is nothing bad in my life at the moment except for the one thing that is always in the back of my mind , not even in the back of my mind more like all the time but i can pull through it because well i have a time limit and i know it wont even be bad it's just fucking life , everybody grows and people die and i just wanna be where the angels sing but before i leave this place i want a taste of the fame , damn i miss you.
haven't gone an hour.....
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I Just Wanna Be Successful
They be starring at the money like it's unfamiliar i get it i live it to me there's nothing realer just enough to solve my problems to much will kill ya
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
don't pretend you didn't see me
I feel like I deserve more then what I have it may seem weird to you but not to me , I don’t deserve a boring , mundane old life with everything that I’ve been through till now I deserve to die early. Looking back on my life it really is beautiful but still tragic none the less can’t seem to shake the pain , stay away from depression it follows me like a shadow and I don’t think I’ll ever fall out of love all though I’m not even sure why I love anymore. Give me my props now or just fade to black cause I’m fading away from you all even the ones close to me I’ll soon be gone this time next year , I won’t be dead though ,just gone. Me and Stacy are going to take over NY. It will be such a liberation for me to go somewhere else , make new friends let these old faces die out and dead all the drama here. I’m not running from my problems because once I’m gone they will be too. Yeah sure I’ll probably still be depressed it’s who I am it sucks but it’s what happened to me , can I change it ? Not without God’s help but until then it will be my burden that I have to carry with me but moving will sure make a lot of things easier for me in the process of living.
I deserve a purple heart.
I deserve a purple heart.
Tears Of A Sad Clown
I just wanna go to the slum and throw my money on the ground like the notorious bum.
Prison In February And I Ain't In No Rush
Monday, February 8, 2010
UFO's and Cabbage Water: Act 2
I wrote a couple verses today all I need is a hook and one more verse and i will have a complete song..not counting the thousand and thousands i've already written but that's all in the past if or when I do record it's going to be brand new.
They Say I Have Potential
I believe I have potential too will i ever achieve it ? I'm not sure really I won't regret it though because i know what will happen to me I will either achieve and surpass my potential or i will die. I honestly don't see any other way i'm to extreme to live in the middle I want it all or nothing. I'm not scared of death I never wanted to live past thirty anyways because a boring old man is what scares me the most. I am so afraid to grow old I've had this fear since about 14 or 15 every time I think about being old. I feel sick to my stomach for real this ain't a joke. I mean I think all people know I love being young , growing old scares me so much I love the movie revolutionary road because it's the SCARIEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! It made me think a lot about my life and I seen this movie when it came out i believe a year in a half ago or something who knows , but I think about it a lot because I could never be boring , mundane or whatever. I would kill myself , suicide is something that stays on my brain only reason I haven't is well it's fucking hard to work up the nerve and second i wouldn't want to put my mom through that. Only two people really know how much i hate growing old and the fear of growing old because it literally is on my mind all the time but Ariel and Kurt I mean others know about it maybe a little but not like them. I've talked to ariel for hours and hours and hours and many many many hours about it , partly because she listened to me and understood what I was going through and that is why Ariel will always be a girl i love forever, and Kurt well he listened to me a lot even told me he would help me.
I look up to kurt because well he is an adult he's everything I'll never be part of me wishes I could be like him but that isn't what I do. I'm not religious (well maybe i am but in my own way) i don't want to work a desk job or any bullshit like that for a living , i can do it now because all first jobs suck. I want to direct films , write stories , design clothes , do drugs , make music and just fucking live life. I am in no way ever going to be like kurt it isn't in my blood a lot me also resents him because he makes me think of the consequences in life , i feel like he's holding me down because I just want to "completely not give a fuck" I just want to find the exit door in this life honestly. I can't compare to a person like kurt i mean he's my homie and all but i can't fucking do what he does and he can't do what I do. Death don't scare me , a lot of shit doesn't scare me actually but growing old is scary and I am always reminded of it when I walk down the street and see old people or whatever whatever I see them and cringe. Now don't get me wrong I believe a lot of them are happy being old which is fine if you want to grow old then do it I'm happy for you , but that isn't me. That's why I never want to get married or have kids because I don't want to have responsibility like that.
Fuck Growing Old.
Live Fast , Die Young.
i miss her. fuck australia.
I look up to kurt because well he is an adult he's everything I'll never be part of me wishes I could be like him but that isn't what I do. I'm not religious (well maybe i am but in my own way) i don't want to work a desk job or any bullshit like that for a living , i can do it now because all first jobs suck. I want to direct films , write stories , design clothes , do drugs , make music and just fucking live life. I am in no way ever going to be like kurt it isn't in my blood a lot me also resents him because he makes me think of the consequences in life , i feel like he's holding me down because I just want to "completely not give a fuck" I just want to find the exit door in this life honestly. I can't compare to a person like kurt i mean he's my homie and all but i can't fucking do what he does and he can't do what I do. Death don't scare me , a lot of shit doesn't scare me actually but growing old is scary and I am always reminded of it when I walk down the street and see old people or whatever whatever I see them and cringe. Now don't get me wrong I believe a lot of them are happy being old which is fine if you want to grow old then do it I'm happy for you , but that isn't me. That's why I never want to get married or have kids because I don't want to have responsibility like that.
Fuck Growing Old.
Live Fast , Die Young.
i miss her. fuck australia.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Still trying to hold on to my religious soul so i put a few diamonds in the cross
i feel like i'm running out of time that's both good and bad for a number of reasons but i hope time runs out soon. i'm just not sure if i am ready for the future or if i will even be able to handle it. i let down a couple of real close friends and that's whast hurts me more then anything. i still can't stop though why because i don't care i only care about how i feel i'm selfish in that area but i also care when i disappoint my friends or let them down , hurt them or whatever. everything they love me for they hate me for i know how that is too true. i don't care though.
i am pretty high at the moment so it feels like everything i'm writing is fake but the real part of me like shadows. I'm sleep walking an empty person with nothing but my shell. i don't know if what i even do is real anymore. two people live inside one of me both feel so right , both feel so wrong. pardon me. okay bye
what day is this ?
who are you ?
i am pretty high at the moment so it feels like everything i'm writing is fake but the real part of me like shadows. I'm sleep walking an empty person with nothing but my shell. i don't know if what i even do is real anymore. two people live inside one of me both feel so right , both feel so wrong. pardon me. okay bye
what day is this ?
who are you ?
Labels:
drugs,
hard as malcolm,
personal
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Glass Everywhere: Act I
I'm recording music it's difficult but it's fun but also very draining I can't wait till I get better at it then maybe you can all see or hear.
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